Mixed Feelings

by Girl

I can’t sleep and it’s 10 minutes until 3am. So I am going to ramble.

I’ve been home for 1.5 weeks and it already gets me sad to think about leaving in January. I love this city with beautiful Christmas decorations in Bayview Village mall, three types of garbage collection, and even the monster raccoons. And although we are not a terribly chatty and expressive bunch, I love my family. Skylar is already getting attached to me. I would like to think that it is because he loves me and missed me, but it is most likely because I am usually home to give him plenty of attention. I have many people I want to reconnect with, and make up lost time with. I want a group of steady friends that I see on a regular basis like on “How I Met Your Mother”. I love the competent hustle and bustle of people here and roads full of cars with some dangerous vehicle maneuvering.

But when my affinity for this place is re-ignited, I hear my dad’s voice in my head saying something along the lines of: “The world is bigger than Toronto. Be smart with how you use your time.” When I am at the end of my life and looking back, I don’t want monotonous years that gets mushed together. So I look back and think of all the great times I had when I took a chance and stepped out of my comfort zone here. Summers in England, Québec, and the States were all awesome times. I learned a lot, made friends, and have rich memories of my childhood and youth. And considering that I feel bad for people trapped (knowingly or not) in their little fish bowl without a good exposure to different cultures, I should be happy to have another opportunity to broaden my horizon.

So I am excited to tackle Australia and all that comes with it in January. There’s plenty to look forward to. I might feel slightly upset to be out of the day-to-day loop with my family or to miss out on building friendships here, but I will make new routines, new connections, and importantly, new memories.

Note: I miss Shawn but I love how excited we get to chat with each other. Neither of us are particularly thriving being away from each other but I am enjoying this “absence makes hearts grow fonder” phase. 😉